Building Connection & Stability with Nightly Routines
- growthboundcollabo
- May 5, 2024
- 3 min read
Since we started making ourselves a little more public in our commitment to helping students with executive functioning and organizational struggles, we've had the chance to speak with so many parents. Resoundingly, we have been met with parents who are seeing it. The same struggles in their homes and in the ways their kids engage with school.
Some of the best questions I have heard so far:
How do I get them to engage with a planner, though?
My student is a closed book. How do I know what they need if they won't talk about it?
How do I help my younger kids with their struggles?
How do I teach executive functioning if I struggle with it myself?
Here's what I have learned through teaching and parenting..
Most people struggle with executive functioning in some capacity, but it doesn't mean we can't support our kids. Some people have just developed better strategies than others. So, even if you are struggling with EF on your own, it doesn't mean you can't help your kid. It might even create an awesome space for developing a deeper relationship and opening lines of communication. Our kids so often feel vulnerable, so when we can open ourselves up to them too, it does worlds for relationship building.
When I set systems and routines in place - in both my classroom and my home, it deepens my relationships. I spend less time telling kids what to do and more time listening to them tell me about their days - what's gone well, what they are struggling with, and what support they need from me. I see this most in my classroom. As students are planning independently because they know the expectation, I can walk around and check in. I can ask them how they are doing, how their soccer game went last night, how their grandmother is feeling. These moments strengthen my relationships with my students. And the same is true in my home. When I don't have to yell about packing snacks and water bottles, I feel better and so do my kids, so we more naturally share with each other.
Engagement is about consistency and modeling. Again, this is true for elementary schoolers and high schoolers alike. They need to see that you value what you are asking them to do and that you are practicing what you preach. I plan together all the time with my classes. We make decisions together about dates and times. I ask them what they need from me and how I can support their schedules and we practice flexibility and treating each other with grace and kindness. And, I try to do the same with my elementary level kids at home. I let them plan with me as I map out the week's dinners and events. Giving students agency and voice promotes the engagement, because they, like us, like to feel like they have some control over their own lives.
Attached is a PDF of a strategy that I use with my own elementary level kids at home. I have two checklists laminated on my pantry door - one for the night before bed and one for before school it the morning. My husband often leaves for work by 6:00am, so I am responsible for getting all three kids out the door to their morning program by 7:00am, so that I can be at work before 8:00am.
I knew I was going to need to do something different this year. It took some work in September, but now I am almost entirely hands off in my two oldest sons' processes. One of my sons has a much harder time with executive functioning than the other, so he still needs some redirection and reminding to use the list (and he grunts about it a little more). But the incentive is their screen time. They don't get to use it until their list is done and has been checked. And, it's been working for me. I yell less and I don't find myself repeating the same thing over and over to blank faces. And, we are happier and more functional.
Take a look and print one for yourself if you'd like. That being said, we don't have a monopoly on the checklist. It's just a best practice that has proven results. Try making your own on Canva. They have great templates. Or if it's spring, and you don't want to, let us do it for you. Check out our store for two different customized checklist options.
Thanks for following us. Parenting is hard. Reach out if we can help.
Erin
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