Sometimes We Don't Know What We Don't Know

It is very human to try to help those we love when they are struggling. Equally, it is very human to resist that help. I don’t know what it is, but I remember my mom trying to help me and being so overwhelmed at trying to articulate what wasn’t working for me that I would snap and lash out instead of trying to lean in and tell her what I was struggling with. 

Knowing what I know now about executive functioning, my behavior makes a lot more sense to me. It’s a bit of a “you don’t know what you don’t know” kind of thing. I felt like I was doing everything right and following all of the instructions from my teachers. I felt like I understood the material, and I felt like my grades and feedback didn’t reflect it. That all added up to feeling like my teachers just didn’t like me. I felt like there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t articulate and that no one could help me with. So I got mad. I would lash out and get cranky with my family when they tried to help me to study and to do better. It wasn’t that I was failing classes or getting flagged as a problem; it was that I wasn’t thriving and it didn’t make sense because I felt like I was working really, really hard. This was compounded by being a student in an extremely academically competitive district. 

This isn’t the profile of all students who need help with executive functioning, but it was mine. I had (and have) ADHD and mild dyslexia. When I was a student, absolutely no one was talking about executive functioning. It wasn’t until I became a teacher and executive functioning broke into the conversation in education that the pieces of my own struggle began to make more sense. I had poor time management and prioritization skills, and while I spent a lot of time doing what I thought was studying, I had no study strategies. My mom had no idea that that was what was happening because, frankly, this apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. Today when we talk about all of this, we both have “ah-ha” moments unpacking what we didn’t know we didn’t know! 

More than ever before, executive functioning skills really matter. We all seem to have a million things we are juggling. Especially students. Their schedules are jam-packed with hobbies and opportunities outside of the school day, and their school days are more rigorous than ever. When a kid is struggling with executive functioning, it can be a source of tension in the family. It certainly was in mine. It makes sense. The habits for self-monitoring and taking care of all of the tasks aren’t there, and so the routine of checking in tends to be rooted in responding to a problem rather than a natural routine connected to success. 

Erin and I have seen how empowering it is for students to gain these skills, and we have also seen how hard it can be for families to support their kids. We asked ourselves this: What if supporting kids felt like bonding, not like fighting? What if it was a shared experience of growing, wondering, and struggling instead of feeling like criticism in a crisis? And so, our goal became creating something that would empower students’ success, but that would also become a part of their routine and build connections with a trusted adult in their life. 

We are proud of The Weekly Reset because it is an organizational system embedded in a life routine that helps students succeed academically and helps them connect with a person who will support them.  We are also excited about the workshops we are finalizing for the skills and strategies they provide.

Our work has been exciting because we KNOW that this stuff helps. We KNOW that building these skills gives students a real advantage. We also KNOW that parents need help too. Sometimes “we don’t know what we don’t know” pairs with “we have no idea how to figure it out.” We are here to help figure it out and cannot wait to share our upcoming workshops and resources with you! 

This stuff isn't easy, but, speaking from experience, it gets easy once you start to know what you don't know!

Bekki